I don’t know about you but concerts are one of the few things that truly bring me joy. I mean there’s nothing better then going to a venue and seeing an act perform live and it being a breathtaking spectacle. However there always seems to be those few select individuals that seem to think the world revolves around them and act like they’re there simply to annoy you and bring a bad note to the night. So today I came up with my 5 simple rules to concerts which will alloy everyone to enjoy the night and guarantee that if you follow them I won’t be secretly planning your death in the mosh pit. (I even made a graphic for it)
POPHRT’S 5 SIMPLE RULES TO CONCERTS
#1 IF YOU WANT TO BE FRONT ROW ARRIVE EARLY
The act you’re going to see are one of your all time favourites and you really want to be front row just to close to them, well hun I can probably guarantee you that some other people out there want that just as badly as you. Do you know the only way to guarantee a front row seat to a concert (unless there’s a paid section)? ARRIVE EARLY!!! It doesn’t have to be freakishly early like 8am (unless it’s a big name like Gaga and you know people are going to be there early). I find that arriving to a venue around 2PM is normally a good time and will get you to the front of most shows. Of course you’ve also got to think is this an artist with die hard fans or not? If you know they’re in demand maybe arrive an extra hour early and if it’s a little more low key arriving 30minutes before will generally also do the job.
#2 DON’T PUSH TO THE FRONT
Want to know the one sure fire way to be public enemy #1 in a mosh pit… pushing. You’ve arrived late, you didn’t follow rule 1 and now you think you can just sneak and push your way to the barrier. No honey, fuck right off. The only thing that’s going to get you is an elbow to the face or stomp on your foot. No one likes a self entitled bitch who thinks they can get to the front just because it’s them. Respect the dedication of other that have arrived early to get there spot and deal with where you get.
#3 DON’T TRY TO GRAB PEOPLE ON STAGE
So you’re at a show that for once doesn’t have a barrier. You can literally reach out and touch the artist performing, however this doesn’t mean you should. The artist is on stage trying to perform for you I think the last thing that they want is some idiot grabbing their legs, thighs or arms pulling them down. How would you like it? Actually the next person I see do this I will follow around all day grabbing at their feet as they go about their business. So remember that, cause that person would be you.
#4 KEEP SEXUAL REMARKS TO YOURSELF
This really is another “How Would You Like It?” situations. It takes me back to CHVRCHES show in February where a guy behind me was yelling sexual remarks and such to Lauren the lead singer. Dudes show some damn respect to the artist! They’re taking their time to perform for you and you think it’s reasonable to yell out “Take Your top off make that ass shake”? No. That’s like borderline sexual harassment. Take a look at yourself. Take a look at your life choices.
#5 WEAR DEODORANT
PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WEAR DEODORANT TO A CONCERT! The person next to you does not want to get a face full of your bad body odour when you lift up your arms to fist pump/dance or whatever you’re doing. This is a general public health rule to be honest. 5 seconds spraying under your arm can make a big difference to the people around you.
So there we have it, my weird little rules to attending concerts which I think if everyone followed we’d have a lot more good times and happiness and a lot less “OMFG I WANT TO HURT THIS BITCH” moments.